Light Switch

Blank stares.

“So when it’s up, it’s ON?”

“Mom, Dad, it couldn’t be simpler. It says, ON.” He flicked the brand new switch on the wall and the lights snapped on. “Up is ON. Flip this down and the lights turn off.”

 “How can we tell if the switch is up or down in the dark?” Dad scoffed.

“I’ll write the steps and tape them up,” mom said helpfully.

“Dad, its two settings. ON or OFF. It’s a switch.”

“I might be too complicated for your father, hon. Maybe it’s just for young people,” she said and lit a candle.

Masochistic Christmas

The elf is watching, and if you don’t behave, there will be no Christmas. Santa sees all, and if you’re naughty, you get nothing for Christmas.

In most animated movies, there are lots of bad guys who want to cancel Christmas. In a lot of grown-up movies, there are lots of bad guys who want to cancel Christmas.

On certain news channels, there’s a war on saying the words Merry Christmas out loud.

Boy, a lot of people can’t enjoy Christmas without pretending it’s doomed. To them I say, enjoy your masochistic Christmas.

To you I say, avoid them.

Christmas Reality

Christmas again, with decorations in shop windows and stockings and song

but something didn’t feel right this time around.

He’d heard rumors from distant cousins and trusted friends, and it made perfect sense.

You see, in every home he visited on Christmas Eve, there wasn’t ever a child present. How long had he been bringing them gifts? How long had he believed they were asleep in bed? Truth is, he’d never actually seen one. Oh, there were children at the mall. He took pictures with them. But were they the real thing?

Maybe there was no such thing as children.