Cropped Out

A close friend’s missing and I thought I’d reach out.

We all went out last night. I posted pics but unforch Tiffany’s not in any of them, so it’s dumb to post them here. I asked the girls and weird, she’s not in any of their pics either. Okay, I admit I cropped her out of mine, but they were the best ones of everybody except Tiff and I didn’t want to upset her.

Weird. I just looked through all our pics and it’s like Tiff wasn’t even there. Like she never existed. Don’t be mad, T. Where are you?

Phony Drivers

We know you’re on the phone. You’re hunched over and when the light’s green you don’t move. When it’s clear to turn you don’t turn and when the speed limit’s thirty, you’re going fifteen. Get off your damn phone, you moron. But shaming doesn’t work. The obvious solution is simple. If you’re on your phone while driving, it’s legal to ram your car.

Oh, you weren’t on your phone? Check the phone records, officer. Hey how about that, I guess we’re done here. Everybody would become very aware of their surroundings and the problem would vanish in a morning commute.

Christmas Reality

Christmas again, with decorations in shop windows and stockings and song

but something didn’t feel right this time around.

He’d heard rumors from distant cousins and trusted friends, and it made perfect sense.

You see, in every home he visited on Christmas Eve, there wasn’t ever a child present. How long had he been bringing them gifts? How long had he believed they were asleep in bed? Truth is, he’d never actually seen one. Oh, there were children at the mall. He took pictures with them. But were they the real thing?

Maybe there was no such thing as children.