The Desire Clamp

The Desire Clamp is the simplest solution to date in the battle against anxiety, depression, fatigue, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, shame, insomnia, upset stomach, and that nagging inner voice.

Take one easy-to-swallow capsule with 8oz. of tap and the Desire Clamp does the rest. With patented self-guiding technology, the capsule finds and “clamps” itself permanently to the hypothalamus. Now in place, the “want” centers of the brain are in unlimited hibernation, thus, letting you forget your worries, get down to business, and get back to your busy day. Sign up is free.* 

*Via 24 deductions from net pay.

The Parade

She ignored the marching bands, the applause after the floats, the clopping of horses and scouts singing songs. She promised herself one day she’d join the parade.

She’d tuned it out for a while and, missing the racket, went to the streets. They were empty. Her heart sank as she found only discarded noisemakers, leftover confetti. The parade was gone.

She couldn’t have missed it. She marched up the street defiantly, tears burning her eyes. Now, she would be the parade. Bystanders thought her ridiculous but she marched on, desperate for anyone to join in and keep the parade alive.

The Stairwell

It’s very early and very cold, and she’s pulling her leash tight around the landing to the final steps. Suddenly, she stops.

A man is lying there. A few burned out candles by his face.

She growls.

He’s startled and sits up. He’s young, with a scraggly beard and weary eyes, and lights the cigarette he already has pressed in his lips.

“We used to sit here and smoke,” he says. “But now, she’s gone.”

Gone? As in, dead? Or has she left him? I can’t think of what to say.

“Can I get by? My dog has to pee.”