Phony Drivers

We know you’re on the phone. You’re hunched over and when the light’s green you don’t move. When it’s clear to turn you don’t turn and when the speed limit’s thirty, you’re going fifteen. Get off your damn phone, you moron. But shaming doesn’t work. The obvious solution is simple. If you’re on your phone while driving, it’s legal to ram your car.

Oh, you weren’t on your phone? Check the phone records, officer. Hey how about that, I guess we’re done here. Everybody would become very aware of their surroundings and the problem would vanish in a morning commute.

That Song

How many songs in a day? Then, that one. You know it as soon as you hear it the very first time and only twenty seconds in.

I must learn all of the words to this song.

And it kills you the first twenty times. You, trying to sing along to what might be the lyrics.

Siri, show me the lyrics. Aha.

Then, magically, one day it plays and it’s like you wrote the damned thing. You are loud now, confident that hey, guaranteed no one else here knows the words like I know the words to my song.

What’s That Song for you? Let me know in the comments.


Dogs huddle on a vast Siberian plain, awaiting the return of their scout. Scout raced through the tall grass towards them, cutting a hollow through the lowlands. The pack gathered to receive news.

“Okay,” said scout, catching his breath. “They seem cool.”

“So what do they want with us?” asked their leader.

Scout sat and panted. “All we have to do is hang out and warn them when other humans come.”

“That’s all?”

“It’s like they can’t smell or hear a thing! And get this — They like to play fetch too.”

Every tail in the pack started to wag.