The Royal Bed

The royal bed was a marvel. Countless golden partridges seemed to spring from the headboard and take flight right before one’s eyes. The Queen delighted in the hunt, and so it was the carpenters’ masterpiece, and his revenge, for the cruel Queen.

You see, while the Queen slept, the slightest movement, even the slightest breath from her lips, stirred a sound in the hollow cage of the headboard that only she heard, mimicking the far off call of partridges. In her dreams, she hunted, and in her dreams, they always endured. It unsettled her, and soon she grew quite mad.


We have about a dozen flameless candles by the bed and the coolest thing about them is they came with a remote. So you wave the remote at them and foosh, they all light up simultaneously. The flames even flicker. It’s like having a magic wand. Foosh. “More wine..?”

Turns out they operate on the same frequency as the TV remote, so when I flip on the TV at night the candles go foosh and I hear, “No… It’s late, honey.” I didn’t mean… It’s the frequency. I get a look of, sure

Although I have gotten unexpectedly lucky at times.