Graduate

The most vital thing I learned in college, and still use every day, didn’t come from classes or lectures. It came from the admin building. I call this class, how to wade through the morons and get what you need done. They should issue a diploma just for that. Granted, most of the incompetence came from part-time student staffers, but they showed me what we have to deal with for the rest of our lives at say, the DMV. The doctor’s billing office. Your cable provider. Online returns. It never goes away.

Oh, and your student loans are due, forever.

My College Roommate

Living with a little kid is exactly like living with my college roommate. He hates wearing shoes and socks. He leaves comic books on the back of the toilet, and thinks it’s hilarious to pee off our balcony. His two food groups are cheese pizza and ramen noodles. He loves to burp. Side note; the house always smells like Italian or Chinese. We can spend up to forty-five minutes looking for the remote he lost. He listens to the same damn album over and over and over again. And sometimes I find him passed out and wedged behind the couch.