Onions

This lady’s on TV. She’s at a counter, chopping onions. She’s watching TV too. Tears stream down her face. Then someone comes in with this setup – “You okay? Why so sad?” She sniffs and keeps chopping. “I’m not sad. It’s the onions.” Canned laughter follows this joke, this, lie. Have you ever chopped onions? Sulfur gas rises from every chop and turns into acid when it reaches your eyes. To be clear; sulfuric acid in your eyes. She should be running around screaming, “My eyes! My god, my eyes!”

She’s never chopped an onion in her life. Friggin’ liar.