Hot Car

If vehicle windows are cracked open, they will be marked and remain open to that level. If any window is smashed out by rescue workers to gain entry, it’s sufficient to seal said window with 0.25 mm clear polyethylene plastic sheeting and tape. The vehicle’s owner will be handcuffed to the steering wheel, and made it stay in the vehicle for the duration they left their child inside. The duration will double for dogs, as they are unable to perspire as efficiently as humans. The sentence will be carried out within 24 hours, at approximately the same time of day.

The Vandals

The gleaming girders of the new bridge never stood a chance against graffiti, even while it was under construction. The Engineer, however, came up with a solution to the headache.

Electrify the bridge.

Sure, the vandals might lose a finger. Or two. Maybe a hand. But it would send a clear message; Stay off the bridge. Secondly, it would keep birds away. The Engineer detested birds, and their mess.

Following a long silence, a Committee member spoke. “But, people would fall to the street below. In traffic.”

The Engineer acknowledged his solution seemed cruel.

“I suppose we could install nets…”


If I could get somebody in the automotive industry to consider new car concepts for next year, I really think it’s time to modify the horn. You honk and it just floats around, and people might wonder, “Who’s that for?” So I’m saying, no honk; roof mounted paintball gun instead. One shot, not rapid fire, that way you can zero in a direct SPLAT! and get their attention right away.

And if you’re the one car in traffic getting machine gunned by ten or twelve other cars, you might consider, “Oh, what did I do? My bad.” and stop texting!