I’m thankful for the plentiful food my family has to eat, as it keeps them from talking more.

I’m thankful for politics and religion, as when they’re brought up we’ve all agreed to do shots.

I’m thankful CrabLobstRimps isn’t a thing anybody wants.

I’m thankful for the toothpick feature in my pocket knife.

I’m thankful Black Friday can’t make my bank account any emptier than it already is.

I’m thankful I don’t flip out when I walk through spider webs on the porch and thus tumble to my death.

I’m thankful for all the small things that keep us connected.